Friday, April 15, 2011

Dear John Letter

As with every post that occurs more than a few days after my last one, so much has happened. Our chickens are having ups and downs. Last week they went out into the rolling pen in our yard. This pen is just a fenced in court with a nest box that sits on top for the birds to roost in at night. Then I put wheels on the rear of the thing so that when you want to move it you just lift the front end and roll it to a new spot. I built it for under $50, and yes it is a rickety ass P.O.S. but it gets the job done. Well this week we had a visit from the boogyman himself. Turns out we have a raccoon problem. This is not like the raccoon problem that one of our friends has, where the bastard keeps crapping on his roof (this same friend likens his raccoon to a huge pooping dog with wings). No, our raccoon came by and ate three of my chicken friends, halving our populous in a single night. Bastard. B saw it at some point slinking through our neighborhood looking sketchy. So I am publicly announcing it now,

Dear Mister Raccoon,
Do not fuck with me.


P.S. Do not force me to wear you as a hat.

I think enough said there. Anyway, as the three remaining chickens are back out in the coop after some serious storms and lots of therapy. They are eating bugs and grass and enjoy clucking in the sun. I think they think that the risk is worth it.


I wrote the first part of this blog and then went outside to take a photo of my happy chickens, only to find one dead and two missing. It seems that I wrote my dear raccoon letter to late. This causes so many problems, besides the very sad passing of my flock. Raccoons are persistent, and once they decide they want something they do not stop. Nothing caged will be safe in our yard. Also we have three (now) dogs, and they sleep inside but what if this jerk raccoon decided to get himself all rabied up and take a stroll through our yard in the middle of the afternoon? The raccoon must go. I will admit I am having fantasies of hunting down that little masked rat, but I do not think I could kill something with thumbs. I also am not sure if it is right to kill something to pay for the lives it has taken. Racky is just being a raccoon, doing hood rat things with his friends. Some man who was visiting work instructed me on how to catch Racky, and by catch he meant use a trap and they set the trap in a river to drown him. Then this man and I discussed if Racky had a soul, which I found myself surprised by since I do not think of myself as a religious person but I was adamant that Racky had rights and a soul. What do you think I should do readers? Should I avenge the loss of my chicks or do I attempt to relocate the bastard? Do I protect my home or do I protect Racky's rights?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Clélie said...


Get thee to Tractor Supply and purchase one of their humane traps. Then go out into the country somewhere and release Racky. He and the rest of the neighborhood will thank you for it.


Blair said...

...i vote on the hat...

anxiety knits said...

Ok that is one vote life and one vote death, I think we need a tie breaker.