Sunday, May 22, 2011

Life lessons

This morning I learned some important lessons. 1. If a coworker tells you that you will understand in twenty years when you stare at them blankly at their horror and confusion when you bring a turtle you found in the road to your pet friendly job, you should most likely stop trusting them. 2. Try not to make promises to turtles. You can always tell they are really disappointed in you. 3. Do not trust the taste of a person whom drinks diet mountain dew on a daily basis. 4. People who do not try food because of "texture" are whimps (really i was already aware of this lesson, but I thought I would remind everybody).

As my birthday year draws to a close (birthday years, much like fiscal years, do not finish at the calendar end of the year for me) I have been thinking deep thoughts and plucking white hairs. I regularly look at other people in my age bracket and think they look like an adult, while I do not. I compare my visual age to theirs and almost always I fall short. The first lesson of my day brought this into question for me. I am an adult, I own a car and pay my bills. I own a very small business. I have both an IRA and Roth IRA. But if looking like an adult means not saving turtles out of the road or playing with toys or looking for the enchanted, whimsical, and silly in life, then fuck it. I don't need it.

When I visited my favorite bench on my lunch break today, this is what I found.

I think it is a sign from God. That or some little kid was raptured from this very bench.

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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Jurassic Park hoof style

We have been having very exciting days and nights recently. First off B graduated from college. I did not understand this when I graduated, but when you do pass from the path of active education into mental stillness (full time adult work world), lots of people feel as if your diploma is partially theirs too. The people that help you through that time deserve mini diplomas to complement the big one you get.

Anyway, B was given too big parties, lots of food, and a fancy IPhone. With all of her new time off we have been playing a lot.

We visited the Lazy 5 Ranch near Mooresville the other day. In B's words, "Why would anybody bring kids here, this is terrifying.". It is a lot like Jurassic Park, where they chain the goat next to the fence so that the T-Rex will come and eat it. Except that the dinosaurs are hoof stock, and the goat is a bucket of food you hold out your car window. My car now has a few hoof scratches on it and some mud inside now. But it did make for a very fun and interesting day.

YouTube Video

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Friday, May 06, 2011

I am serious, do not ask me to knit for your dog.

Nothing makes me happier than when a couple is expecting, and they request a silly baby knit. I mean not just any baby, a baby I would have already been knitting for anyway. Not just some soon to be parent people who find out I am a knitter and just assume that I would love to knit for their soon to be bundle of joy. And then suggest to me WHAT I should knit for the spawn. Even though I just met them. Because I have nothing else to do with my time. Because of course I am bored and lonely if I am a knitter. Did I mention I really hate that?

Anyway if I know you and I like you a reasonable amount, I will most likely knit for your fetus, if you ever get one. I will not knit for your dog though, so just because some people consider their pets to be their children does not mean I will be giving them the same attention. Sorry, anyway, some friends with an embryo requested a silly baby hat for their soon to be. I have been waiting for a perfect excuse to knit this .

Mind you, the reviews of the squid hat proclaimed that this pattern is written in a way that involves constant diligence by the knitter. Turns out they were telling the truth. That's ok, because the photos I will take later of the Squid hat eating the head of the newborn will be more than worth it. Too bad we all have to wait a couple of months for that. Soon friends, soon.

My version of the squid hat, which I call the Squii hat is made from stash yarn from the left overs of the Southwest Baby Sweater. This is more of a desert squid than the one pictured above, ready to pounce on you from sand dunes, or sand castles if it is on vacation. I would avoid sand in general, at least until it has had it's infant feast.

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